My race day jersey collection. All of these people carried me on their back for 26.2 miles to help all of us fighting get closer to a cure. Thank you guys so much. I love you.
To donate and help in the fight against leukemia please visit my official fundraising page at: http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/LA10/bsosax
For any new comers my marathon journey story begins here at marathon update #1
Well first off let me say I'm sorry for everyone I haven't got back in touch with since the marathon. It's now two days after the race and I have a long list of people to reply to. I'm getting there. Ok so now back to the update. I'm going with "the aftermath" as the title because it's feels appropriate in so many ways, not all but so many. I am hoping to drive the course with my running partner to re-live the race within the next day or two. I expect after that ride to have a lot more to write about. I am also planning on writing another chapter about the entire experience, what it's meant and how it's changed my world. But for now I will continue where I left of at marathon update #12.
To start I'd like to go back toward the end of mile 24. This was my darkest moment of the race, and this was one of my greatest moments of my life. Not great because it felt good, or there was a reward or I was happy. Great in the way that I did something I feel so proud of. I kept going. The last mile and half were the most painful. I can remember now more and more of my run. I'm not sure why but it is somewhat surprising that things didn't get easier when I made the decision to keep going. I've always believed that the hardest part of a great feat is to fully decide to accomplish it. And so many times in my life this has proved true. However on Sunday that wasn't the case. I decided to keep going. I decided I would finish or collapse trying. I put every ounce of caution aside and went, (for those of you who told me before the race to make sure I stayed within my limits and only received the "I'll try" response, this is why). I picked up my feet and said one foot and then the next. I ran, I ran hard, I ran consistent. And the entire last mile and half my body hurt more than it's ever hurt in my life. More than I could have imagined. Every pain was bigger, every cramp was deeper, every step was harder than the last. The decision to finish didn't make it easier. I remember somewhere after the last turn onto ocean thinking there is no way I'll finish. There is no way I'll stay standing until the end, but what can I do now? I figured if I stop I'm going to collapse. So why not keep going? I remember a lot of my thoughts throughout the race but here I can remember them pretty vividly. Coming down Ocean Ave I could see the 26 mile marker and for the longest time thought this was the finish. I thought of a few specific things over and over. These may sound a bit absurd, but I'm writing this for me as much as for anyone else so my apologies in advance. I thought of a boy I met about two years ago named Joseph. He died from Leukemia at age 7. It happened that the two times I visited the hospital when he was there he was due for a very painful procedure. We talked about a lot of things. He loved basketball. I gave him some tips to learn how to dribble better. He loved science, (almost as big a nerd as me) so we talked about random stuff like bugs, clouds and dinosaurs. We talked a little bit about Leukemia. And both times he asked me if it was still going to hurt this time. He was a pro. He had been through everything so many times, but he was still afraid. Truth of it is I'm still afraid of a lot of it. I thought about him, because no matter how much pain I experienced on Sunday or at any other point in my life, I will never experience the pain and fear of a 7 year old going through treatments for Leukemia. I can't even begin to complain about the pain. I think about Joseph a lot. On Sunday I thought about him a lot. I thought about some other pains. Things I've only read about: victims of the atomic bomb, parents who have lost children, people who died painfully at war. I thought about all those things and thought to myself I can do this small thing. I can do this last mile. It doesn't even compare. What I am doing is nothing compared to that. This pain is nothing compared to those. And last I thought about my favorite commercial ever. It's a visa commercial about an Olympic runner Derek Redmond finishing his race even though he pulled his hamstring. I've downloaded and watched that commercial perhaps a thousand times since I've first seen it, especially during this training. It's engrained in my mind. There was a man who worked at a level I could only imagine for years preparing for that race. I cannot begin to imagine how much pain he felt at losing his dream. Any doubts I was having were nothing compared to that. I know those may sound a bit ridiculous but that's what I thought of. Somewhere near the 26 mile marker I told Erica we would take a short walk. I had just figured out that the mile 26 marker wasn't the finish and another 0.2 miles seemed ridiculous. But, in my mind I had no right to stop now. No matter what I was feeling it couldn't compare with what I was focusing on. So we walked. At one point a coach from a different TNT team came up alongside us to encourage us with things like, "you're almost there" and "you can do it". I don't remember what I said, Erica says it was just "Thanks so much." However I remember thinking I wanted to kick him. Yes that is what I thought and what I felt. Perhaps it was a good thing that I could barely lift my legs. He stayed with us for just a minute. Erica said she felt she should get in between me and him because I was "visibly agitated". However he left before she had to. We started running again, and we finished. We kept going for about 20-30 yards after the finish before we figured we could stop, then we hugged and we cried for moment. I couldn't believe it was done. Actually I still can't. I still don't know what to make of this as far as what it means and what type of accomplishment it is. But more on that in another chapter of this blog. During our embrace a member of the marathon staff told us to move along or we'd start cramping up, which was probably a nice way to say "get out of the way". So we walked. The entire street was the runners only area. There was food, which sounded horrible at that moment, and water which was fabulous. I got my little foil after marathon blanket which made me sweat profusely, however the entire last couple miles I was having trouble keeping my eyes open and hands from shaking which was scaring me, so I figured I better keep it on. We walked what seemed like for another 26.2 miles until we saw a friend of Erica's at the pier. After their embrace, Erica's friend gave me a sugar snack and recovery drink to help me out. I must of looked like crap because she didn't offer Erica anything. Then we made our way down to our team area to see if there was some chocolate milk, there wasn’t, and to sign out. After lots of hugs with some of our other teammates I went in search of my family and friends. I was very excited to see my family, especially all my girls. So I made my way to the other side of the pier and found them. The quote of the day was shared by a couple of my nieces and went something like this:
"Did you win Uncle B?"
"I finished."
"But did you win the race?"
"Well it's not that type of race for me."
"So did you win?"
"I finished and everyone who finished won the race?"
"So um, so, so, um, was it a tie?"
Nothing like the truth from the mouth of a child to bring you back to earth. No I didn't win the race, some guy from Kenya did. Even though they brought the hard truth it was amazing to see the smiling faces of my girls after the race. My family was great, and then I went in search of friends. The setup was a bit confusing, and I'd have to say from what I've heard about other marathons the LA marathon was not put together very well. I had so many friends there and worlds collided. To be honest I was far too tired and delirious to care much about it. Thank you again for everyone who came. I had friends from so many different areas and time periods of my life. I even had friends who I never found, I am so sad I never found you guys. I have signs, which will be up in my room for quite some time to come, I got a homemade crown, I got photos (oh if you have any photos from that day please send me a copy thanks). It was amazing. After a while though I couldn't stand on my feet anymore. I could have sat down with all my supporters however I was truly convinced that if I sat down I wouldn't be able to get up again and I really wanted to go lay down in my hotel room. So back to the hotel it was. I laid down to try to sleep which I was able to do for a while. I awoke a few times but the last time I realized I was getting pretty sick. I could feel that I had quite a fever and my mind was quite disoriented. Luckily for me, I've been down this road many times in the past 4 1/2 years so I knew what to do. I took a nice cold shower, and then went down to eat at our team victory dinner. I really wish I could have spent more time with the team hearing about everyone's experience. However after stuffing myself I went straight back up to the room and back into another cold shower. The next few hours was a mixture of sleep and cold showers as I made sure I kept my fever under control. I knew that the after part of the marathon was still very dangerous and that while I had to pay close attention to the first 72 hours after the race I had to pay very close attention to the first 24. I sang a couple duets with the "White Porcelain Goddess" and had what I'm sure were some very interesting fever dreams. But after it all I awoke the next morning feeling worlds better. My body still feels ridiculous. The day of the marathon everything hurt but my back was by far the worst. The next day was much of the same. I spent a good few hours last night alternating ice and a heating pad over various parts of my body. Today, well today I'm hoping that it starts getting better tomorrow, because it sure as hell didn't get any better today. But we are now about 48 hours removed from the run and other than pain I am ok. Lot's of oranges and immunity booster supplements, (thank you mentor lady) and lots and lots of water.
For now I will end there. I am not sure how I will finish this blog. I do want to write more specifics about the race once I drive it. I also want to write more about the entire experience. Aside from those two chapters I'm not sure if there is anything left to tell. So if any of you have any ideas let me know. And again thank you all for every bit of your support. It has changed me. Please spread the word and help in the fight against leukemia. If what I did brings awareness to even one more person it was worth it. If you want to share all my updates the blog address is: www.ihaterunningbutihatecancermore.blogspot.com
Thank you all.
B
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